I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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