btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
