i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize