I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize