I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize