Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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