Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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