btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
