He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
