went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize