Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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