so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he fucked my hip out of place.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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