I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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