Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
