He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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