3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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