I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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