i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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