she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
