someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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