Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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