Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
