lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
