Don't make out with my wife yet
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
