So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
