They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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