Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
