she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
