I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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