Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
