Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize