Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
