arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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