There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
