by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
