Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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