This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
