Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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