A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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