Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You took a bar mat shot.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize