Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
