we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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