he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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