I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
