Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
