I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i love accidental penises.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
