Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
