I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
