You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
