four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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