I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
