Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
