I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
