Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
