My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
