i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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