he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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