the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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