Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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