He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
