3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
