i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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