Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
