He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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