So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize