you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
