Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
