I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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